No Pickles
I hope you have a friend like Jeff.
The kind of friend who sees the same humor in the world that you do. Who has seen the same movies, uses the same quotes, and notices when you use an obscure quote from a movie most people have never seen. And it doesn’t stop at movies. We just think alike. It is mildly terrifying at the same time as it is hilarious.
This Sunday we were in a conversation with our friend Eric (cut from similar cloth) that ranged from the latest Marvel movies to food choices. Truly we are renaissance men. In my sermon, I had mentioned a Thai restaurant. (I promise, it made sense. I don’t just go around talking about food in sermons for no good reason…At least I hope it made sense…) Jeff was asking about it since he hadn’t tried it before.
I told him I had a dish called, “Peanut Butter Sauce Lover”. Basically, rice, meat, and veggies slathered in a spicy peanut sauce. Amazing.
This led to a discussion on the virtues of peanut butter in general. I mentioned that one of my favorite hamburgers was the “Peanut Butter Pickle Bacon Burger” at Killer Burger. At which point he curled his lip a little in disgust. “I know it sounds weird, but it’s good!” I explained with a passion normally reserved for heated debate.
“I don’t like pickles.” Was his reply.
The crowded sanctuary fell silent like the saloon in a western the moment Black Bart walks in the door. The piano went silent. The bartender crouched slowly behind the bar knowing full well the ruckus that was about to break out. The scruffy old men in the corner playing cards looked up from their game. (Except for Cletus who used this opportunity to sneak a look at Jethro’s hand…yeah…he was bluffing.)
We faced each other preparing to draw. I fired first. I can’t recall the battle well, the adrenaline was flowing, but this is the way I remember it.
“WHAT?”
“They’re gross. I don’t really like anything pickled.”
“Is it the dill? The vinegar?”
“eh…”
“What if you added dill to ranch dressing, do you like that?”
“I don’t like ranch.”
Boom…I fell flat on my back in the dust of that Western town. The fight was over. With my final breaths, I croaked out: “I thought we were so alike…but it was all a lie.” And I spoke no more. The crowd dispersed, the piano began to play again. This is life in a Western town.
(Sometimes my wife says I am too dramatic…I don’t know what she’s talking about.")
Later that day, my family went out to eat, and all ordered burgers. Getting close to the end, I look across the table, and next to my sixteen-year-old son I see the atrocity pictured above. I looked at the pickles, looked up at him, only to hear him say: “I don’t like pickles.”
I took the picture and sent it to Jeff as a peace offering. Then I ate the pickles.
It is a funny thing about people, we have this ingrained need for others to think as we do. It creates a little discomfort in the back of our minds to find a difference in another. I’ve noticed a few ways this can go.
First, we start to change to fit with them. Though my whole life, I never liked soccer. Enough time with my brother-in-law and I was cheering as loudly as he did when the Timbers won the MLS cup. This isn’t always bad. I learned to enjoy something I didn’t before. My friend Micah opened me up to new music, JJ helped me see certain world issues through a better Biblical lens, and I could go on into ways relationships helped me grow in ways I never would have on my own.
Of course, this can also cause us to compromise where we shouldn’t. For example, that same time with my brother-in-law never led me to root for the University of Washington. That would have been wrong. But in school, my friendship with Jerry led me to some significant lawbreaking. My friendship with him and others led me to bend my moral code until it finally broke.
Secondly, we can try to change them. This always works well. No one ever resents being a project. Oh, they do? My mistake. How many friendships are broken because of our need to try to fix people? I’m not sure there is a healthy way to look at this one. We can influence people, but you can’t both love someone and try to fix them.
With Jeff, I think I will simply try to learn to live with his failings. And thankfully, I think he will learn to live with mine. We can disagree on Ranch and Pickles and still be friends.
What is truly wonderful is that this same principle works with those same issues which drive our communities, families, and friends apart. Political opponents can have deep friendships. Followers of Jesus can (and frankly are called to) build meaningful relationships with those outside the body of Christ. What makes the words of Jesus so challenging and wonderful is that the call goes beyond simply getting along. We are called to deep love, compassion, and service even for those who would set themselves against us. Jesus says in the sermon on the mount, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9 CSB)
What if before we get mad, we ask questions? What if before we try to change someone, we seek to understand them? I can not think of a greater joy than to be called a son of God. To know that I am walking the way Jesus walked and loving people the way Jesus loved. I still long for every one of my friends to know Jesus and love him as I do. I want them to know the grace and peace of God found at the cross. I want them to appreciate the glory of Hidden Valley Ranch as they should. But, I also want to love them should they never enter the door of the church, or appreciate a crunchy kosher dill.
I’m glad I have a friend like Jeff. I’ll still pray for his repentance, but in the meantime, I think we’ll keep laughing.